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Kusari

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thoughts, once again [Dec. 4th, 2008|08:27 pm]
Kusari
So it comes to the fact that I write in my journal when I'm sad or so thoughtful I want to write down my thoughts. Usually I don't even want to write them, and end up mulling them over and letting them evaporate away.

It's funny that in the last three years -the last three Christmases- I've had two away from family, and have spent it fine and dandy away from any relative. I've simply had people who loved me and cherished me nearby. Very good hosts.

It's weird that this Christmas, when I have my mother and two brothers nearby to celebrate it with, I won't have my father, because he's back in Ecuador. When I say weird, I mean I'm consistently feeling sad about it. I don't usually feel very sad, there's always something that cheers me up soon. I think this time there's more to think about... more than just ME to think about, which makes the sadness last longer.

My father is alone (basically, he has relatives, but won't have us, or -more importantly- my mother) this Christmas in Ecuador so he can work to pay for the rented house in this little town as well as help in my own and my brother's college bills. The source of his loneliness is his drive to provide for us. He has been gone almost since the beginning of the semester (he was here during the summer), which is roughly four months now. He'll hopefully be returning in February, if all the paperwork comes through okay. Half a year away from his family... from his wife... I believe it's a first.

I guess I'm specially sad FOR him. I know he has God, and He is his comfort, but there's no denying that he will feel it, and feel it hard, these Christmas celebrations. Probably even feel alone among the crowds of extended family. We all know how that can be.

I love my father, and he is close to everything I want to be. This latest expression of love breaks my heart and makes me feel honored to be able to call myself his son. I want to continue to grow in maturity, thoughtfulness, self-lessness, and closeness with God, so I can be like him as I grow into adulthood.

Careful, next times talk about girls =O

Things with this girl I like are "fine." No decisions, no pressure. I care not to effect any. Less and less am I feeling sad, probably cuz I'm depending more thoroughly and more often in my faith. Alone I can't stand it, but accompanied I will always be able to stay on my feet. I love the girl, but it's clearly something more solid than just infatuation or "in love" stuff. But I have to wait, because we both know it's not time, and it may never be. I'm just remaining open to what occurs.

I could sit and describe her, in all her strengths and weaknesses... but I think I'll keep them to myself. For now I feel it's much more special that way (sorry future self).

Anywhoo, life is good, with God's help.

love ya, readers
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